RISPERIDONE - A bane or a boon

This is going to be a very hard blog to write. I have always been open about my psychiatric illness and how I got treated. It was always in the hope that it will benefit someone. But the treatment wasn't a very smooth ride. It was an extremely turbulent one. But my psychiatrist stuck to it and so I had to go along with it. I did throw tantrums and kept missing my tablets but got back to them.

The basis of my treatment was tablet Risperidone. It is a newer anti-psychotic and is used to treat psychosis and schizophrenia. It controls the action of the overflowing neurotransmitters in the brain. Overflowing of neurotransmitters is literally what happens inside the brain when one is suffering from schizophrenia. Let me tell you what went inside my brain.

Normally we have waves of emotions which are constrained to a certain range and time period. During my period of psychosis I had tsunami of emotions. When I was happy I was over the top with happiness and I could literally feel something flowing inside my skull physically. When I used to have doubts and I used to have a lot of them I used to be very worried. At the moment these doubts were cleared another tsunami wave of relief used to pass over my brain and I would get clarity and used to get amazingly relaxed. And all this I could actually feel inside my skull. The reason for this probably would be the actual excess production of those neurotransmitters.

Then what did Risperidone do to my brain??

Risperidone controlled these neurotransmitters which used to give me different types of feelings.

RESULT : No feelings left!

At first when I stopped having my delusions and hallucinations I was extremely grateful for the drug. Amazing it was!! Of course it was a boon!! Just like that all the abnormal thoughts stopped occurring. Then I went to my doctor and told him " OK so now all this has stopped so can I stop taking the drug , I heard it has side effects."

"No" , Dr Manoj said.

So schizophrenia is not a disease which can be cured , but it is disorder which needs to be controlled like diabetes. So I had to commit myself to the drug. But this drug left me with no feelings. I had become a blank slate. Everyday I used to tell aai that I cant feel anything so I used to cry in frustration. Committing to a drug looks like no big deal. So what ? You just have to take 1 tiny pill everyday . You don't have to do any lifestyle modifications as such. 1 pill per day. How hard is it going to be?

It was horrible. I had become numb. I had become slow. I had zero marks on pro-activeness. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. What do people do when they are home or with friends? No clue I had. What am I supposed to do as a doctor in a hospital - No clue! There was a thick transparent curtain over my eyes through which I couldn't perceive the world outside. It also rewired my brain in a way where it was difficult for me to have any kind of romantic relationships. And at the age of 26, 27 where this is supposed to be a priority it did nothing but add to my frustration.

It seems like I have decided that Risperidone is nothing but a bane and that it ruined my life. Yes it did ruin but only a part of my life which was necessary. The doses had to be continued to prevent any relapses of psychosis. So I am grateful to my doctor who chose this form of treatment rather than ECT and other drugs. 

With the decrease in doses my life has definitely "normalified". I have become a doctor a dancer and certainly someone more proactive ,so as to write this blog. Risperidone is an extremely useful drug when it comes to the treatment of schizophrenia but the doses need to be adjusted according to the individual needs of the patient. Everyone has a right to live a good quality healthy life.

                                      CHEMICAL STRUCTURE OF RISPERIDONE